Sunday, October 2, 2011
An invaluable lesson learned.
I find myself staring into space thinking about the fact that the last year has flown by quite regularly these days. With Jaden's first birthday rapidly approaching I replay things that occurred and find myself realizing that things aren't usually as complicated as we think when we are going through them. There are so many things that I would do different if I had the chance to do them again. The funniest thing about that statement is this...If I could do it over...I would have gone with my gut a whole lot more than I did. Two of the biggest examples follow.
The Breastfeeding. This was a sore subject for us as it caused Jaden and I much grief those first three months of his life. I wanted to Breastfeed him sooo badly and I wish things would have worked out. No I don't think I'm a bad mommy for feeding him formula and no, I don't think that it "hurt" him in anyway. Nor do I judge those who choose to use formula from the beginning, but let's be real here....breastmilk is the BEST and most NATURAL thing for your baby. It is perfectly designed by GOD to nourish our babies. Not to mention it's such a sweet and special time between mommy and baby. I often look back feeling as though we both "missed out". Don't get me wrong...I tried everything I knew to do.
Here's where that "do it over" bit comes into play:
The first two days of Jaden's life. That's where the mistake happened. I'm the one who is at fault because I went against my better judgement and let the nurse scare my insecure first time mommy self into deciding to give him that bottle at the hospital.
From the first time I tried to nurse Jaden he knew "how"...the problem wasn't "figuring it out". The problem was this, Jaden was just born...jaundice...and impatient.
When he was born he didn't really want eat much. I would try to nurse him over and over and he would simply fall asleep at the breast. My gut told me, no big deal, he will eat when he is truly hungry. He did after all just go through quite the marathon labor, as had I. We had both just spent 48 hours working on bringing him into the world safely.
Enter the worst nurse I've ever met. Looking back now I'd have a few not so friendly things to say to her..."please leave my room and get me a different nurse" comes to mind over and over. Why I didn't have the guts to say it to her back then I don't know...
This woman literally was so rough with him and aggravated him to "wake" him and get him to nurse that Jaden was screaming! She made me feel (on more than one occasion) like a bad mommy for not getting him to eat. Granted, the hospital we were at unfortunately was one at which a large percentage of the mommy's were VERY YOUNG, POOR, and often IRRESPONSIBLE...according to the nurse who delivered Jaden (the only one I LOVED...and only got to see during that short time). Apparently they were used to needing to be more forceful with so many of the mothers...BUT that gave them no right to treat me that way.
After dealing with that nurse and letting her scare me into thinking that my baby was either going to starve or not be allowed to go home because he isn't eating I gave in and fed him that bottle...and that was it. I'm pretty sure that's when he decided...well it's easier and makes me full faster. Which in turn messed up my milk supply and there went my hopes of nursing.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN better...he had plenty of wet and dirty diapers. He was acting just fine until they stuck him under that light all ALONE. (That is a whole other story...I was scolded for holding him to attempt to nurse him and give him time "skin to skin" because he cried so much while he had to lay underneath that lamp).
Next time...I'll be less naive...next time I will put my foot down.
The diapering. I had wanted to go with cloth pretty much long before I even got pregnant. For multiple reasons. The financial burden and the environment being two of the main ones.
Again, I caved thinking it wouldn't work out because we had so much going on and with all of the changes ahead I couldn't fathom how this COULD work. True, it would have been hard at times, but impossible? Hardly.
When I look back on how much $ we spent on diapers and formula over the last year...I cringe. $ that could be sitting in his college fund right now. Not that he wasn't worth it...he's worth so much more than the money spent on those things, but my point is...this money could have been used for something he would be able to use much longer than a diaper or a bottle of formula will last.
Needless to say, now that things are settling into more of a routine, we will be making the switch to cloth.
To all the mommy to be ladies out there, don't let anyone scare you into anything. Go with your gut. Unless you trust someone 100% don't listen to them. GOD has designed us to "know" what to do...we may let people make us insecure...but the truth is we already "know" what to do and how to do it.
I wish I had understood that and stood up for myself and my baby.