I'm sure by now it's no secret. There's nothing I want more in this life than to be a wife and mother. It is what I feel God created me to do. I've mentioned several times over the last two years since Jaden arrived how flustered, disorganized and tired I've been since returning to work. Our home has never been in such disarray as it has been and we've never been more stressed. We just can't seem to "get it together" and not for lack of trying. We make a great team...really we do. Josh has been amazing at taking on certain tasks of caring for Jaden and household chores but we still can't make it work. Not long ago we just looked at each other and we talked about how things ran so smoothly when I was a homemaker. Though financially it was tough (and it will only get tougher as those pesky student loans kick in) but we had a handle on the "to do's". Our home, though not loaded with fancy decor and such, felt like a home.
Then there is that frightening reality that Jaden is growing up so fast and before we know it he will be "ready for school". Neither one of us really wants our little man in school. We want to home-school our child(ren).
There is a bit of fear that stirs in my heart when I realize how quickly time passes, particularly with a child. There is also however, this little sense of peace with that decision as if God is saying "just trust me on this one"...
I can't really explain it. From a worldly (financial) perspective it seems utterly ridiculous given our current circumstances but my heart and my husband's heart cannot let go of the idea.
We pray every day for God to give us the signs of reassurance that we need to make the right decision. It is a difficult one to make. We have a goal in mind in regards to a time-frame. Time's a tickin' and I'm getting more and more nervous/excited!
I'm looking forward to sharing some more things with you over the next several weeks! For instance...our move into a slightly larger space! I'm hoping that it will work better for our family and feel more like home! ...and Jaden's BIG 2nd birthday! Lord help me not to have a "mommy meltdown"...I blinked and my baby turned into a little boy! A handsome one at that!
Much love to you all!