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Sunday, December 5, 2010


how I love/hate you!!! One thing I always knew I absolutely did not want to compromise on is breastfeeding!!! I would never judge another mommy for choosing otherwise, because that is a personal choice each woman needs to make for herself and her child...but for me...I wanted to breastfeed. With all the benefits for both baby and mommy, I thought it was the best way to go. End of story. I was and am determined to do whatever I can, but the over the last 4 weeks the word "breastfeeding" has become an ugly word in this house! I am frustrated to no end with my defective girls and cannot understand why nothing I do seems to make the situation better. I know all of the usual tips and tricks, advice...blah blah blah. Drink lots of water, make sure you eat,pump/nurse as often as possible, at least every 2-3 hrs (supply/demand my booty!!!), the list goes on. I've tried the Mother's milk tea, I've done all the above and I still fail to produce more than two ounces between both breasts in one pumping/nursing session (and that's if I'm lucky...most of the time I get one ounce between both sides...and my son eats between 3-5oz per feeding!!). This whole fiasco started in the hospital and got progressively more frustrating as the days/weeks have passed.One of the first things I did when Jaden was born, was to latch him and attempt breastfeeding. He latched perfectly and did everything right as far as I/we know. The only problem was the fact that he was lazy about it and lost interest quickly.I didn't really think too much of it seeing as how the poor kid had just been squeezed through the birth canal...a little exhausting one would think, right?! Not to mention I had read that the first few days the baby may not be that interested/hungry and when hungry he/she will let you know and will eat. forward to later the first day...I had attempted to feed Jaden several times, with no luck, baby boy kept falling asleep at the boob! He apparently just wanted to snuggle skin to skin. He would find the nipple, latch and out he was! Not a problem I thought...he'll eat when he's good and ready. Nope. The nurses, however well-meaning they may have been were freaking out because he hadn't eaten. The one that was on that first night in particular made me want to scream...they were so forceful with him that it hurt me to watch the process. I kept trying because I wanted him to get it and I didn't want to be the bad mommy who doesn't feed her baby, but everytime they'd yank him around and force the poor baby to my breast and aggrivate him to wake him up it killed me. He would turn bright read, scream bloody murder and gasp for air as they kept at it. I HATED it! I mean really?! Are you kidding me? This is supposed to be enjoyable? Fast forward day two...Jaden's pediatrician came by to check him out and low and boo has jaundice! Fantastic! So now, not only are we already having issues breastfeeding and watching our child scream because he's being forced to "eat" but now we have to watch him scream all day/night because he's stuck under the stupid UV light! It was HEARTBREAKING!
(my poor baby screaming his head off under the UV light)
Not at all how I imagined our hospital stay! By the end of night two I believe it was sometime around 2 or 3 am and yet another nurse making my baby scream and making me feel like I was starving my child I said enough...I'm giving him formula to get these people off my back. My milk hadn't come in yet anyway, and yes I knew the whole nipple confusion and blah blah...(none of these things have been a problem however) that point that was the risk I was willing to take.

(not so happy about that bottle in my hand!)

By the time we left the hospital I believe 5 different nurses and the lactation consultant had been in the room and attempted to get this boy to nurse! I was so anxious to get out of that hospital I cannot tell you! We got home and I again attempted to latch him now he wanted nothing to do with my boobs...(which up until he was being forced to latch was not an issue!!), as soon as I would try to get him latched he'd start screaming. Each time before I would give him a bottle I tried to latch him first but after he would scream I couldn't continue. It was horrible! So I would give him the bottle. I did this for about a week and meanwhile I was pumping religiously. My milk had come in a day or so after we got home...I was pumping about 3 oz between both sides and even though it was not much, it was better than what I have to offer him these days. Anyway, after about a week, to my astonishment Jaden all of a sudden started latching!Persistence pays off, right?! WRONG!!! He was latching, and eating (he would suck, swallow, and breathe, just as he was supposed to) but after a couple of minutes would scream because he wasn't getting anything anymore. ARGH!!! So we've continued this process. I latch him and he nurses for a couple of minutes until he gets frustrated with the lack of milk and starts to scream/attempt to take out his frustrations on my poor sore nipples (the other day I thought he was going to yank the thing off!!! YIKES!) and in between/after I pump. Typically every 2-3 hours as recommended, given that I am able to. When we run out of breastmilk I have no choice but to supplement with formula (which makes me angry for several makes him gassy, spit up and costs far too much!!). Recently however,my son has realized that it is completely not worth the effort of trying because he gets next to nothing from my breasts and then has to eat from the bottle anyway?! So now we're back to screaming when I attempt to latch him. I'm still a pumping/mother's milk tea drinking fool and about to lose it. I talked to the lactation consultant the other afternoon and told her my troubles (she recommends I ask to be put on Reglin at my next appt on the 13th to help with the milk production and keep trying to nurse/pump). The last I checked I was pumping about 6 oz per day (on a good day!).So that's where we are...Jaden enjoyed nursing for a brief time...I loved watching him nurse, but the bigger and hungrier he gets the more frustrated he gets with it and I am feeling stressed out and defective because I just cannot feed my baby!


  1. Oh, Nadine, I can totally sympathize with you! Our nurses did the same thing to me, and Addie just would not latch on. Each nurse had a different philosophy about nursing, the milk coming in, and they expect you and this comletely new person to know how to nurse within the first few days, when experts say that it takes a few weeks for mommy and baby to figure it out.

    You are not alone. You are not defective.

  2. Nadine, I am so so sorry you have to go through all this. I hear more and more mommies talking about how difficult breastfeeding is for them, and about the fact that they can't produce enough milk for their baby. I was just telling my SIL the other day that I really hope my girls don't give me any problems and cooperate, because just like you, I would love to breastfeed my little girl. And yeah, nurses can be a bit crazy and pushy at times (I would know). I'm sorry you had to go through that as well :-(
    I really hope that after your next appointment you'll be able to produce more milk and feed your little man more often.

  3. Don't beat yourself up! :) I wouldn't have wanted to take the crying either! ;)

  4. I'm so sorry you are having trouble- I'm just like you- I feel so passionate about breastfeeding. My problem hasn't been supply but soreness. It hurts so bad! And it's not a latch issue (midwives think it may be a circulatory issue with me). Whatever you do is going to be just fine. Trust yourself and don't beat yourself up about anything.

  5. i'm sorry you are having trouble...i also had so much trouble...if you have time, you can read about my trials of breastfeeding here:
    i, like you, only wanted to breastfeed, and never discussed the option of not doing it...but, when it came down to it, i really didn't have enough milk, and had problems with my let was emotionally exhausting, but after 2 months of many, many tears and prayers, i went to the was, my baby is going to be 1 this week, and he's super healthy, happy, and smart. please don't beat yourself up...i did the same thing...especially with the raging hormones and baby blues, it was easy to be down about it...but, there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter what you decide to do.

  6. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I did too. That was my biggest complaint about the hospital. The nurses just assumed I would know what to do and HELLO how would I know? One nurse told me to express a little milk to see if she would latch on better. First of all, my stupid milk hadn't even come in and secondly, how was I to know how to express milk?? I had a long journey (well, not too long since Alivia is only 13 weeks old now but it has felt long ha!) of nursing, pumping, and then supplementing. Now I don't have to pump or supplement but I don't have any extra milk at all. Just enough and that's it. Oh well, I'll keep going as long as I can. I will pray it gets better for you!

  7. I had the same problem, just remeber your doing a great job as a new mommy. Sadly I switched to formula feeding, but keep going. If you do need to buy formula ( only if you need to) you should really try the store brands. I use Target, but Toys R Us, B.J's and Walmart all have their own brand for half the price. Keep going mommy!!

  8. Oh wow! I can totally sympathize with how hard, tiring, and just plain frustrating breastfeeding can be in the beginning!! You are doing awesome though! I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone and that it does get better... MUCH better the more time passes! Good Luck and (((HUGS)))! :)

  9. I can sympathize, as well. I wanted to breastfeed but Aiden was a poor sucker. We finally got the hang of it after about 4 days but then he startes screaming non stop for almost 2 weeks. Turned out he was lactose intolerant and the milk in my diet was fueling his unease. I decided to just swap over to the bottle and a lactose free formula for both of our sanities.

    Keep trying and I hope you both get some relief soon. I know the lactation consultant probably went over this with you but I'll throw it out anyway: when your breastfeeding him, while he's latched and drinking, do you massage your breast in a downward motion to help with milk stimulation/production during a feeding? You could/can even do this while in the shower for relief or while using a pump.
    Good luck!!!

  10. Some times breast feeding just doesn't work out. But just because it might not happen with Jaden don't get discouraged about any future babies. I tried to breast feed all three times and it only worked out once. I had latching and laziness problems with the first one (hmm... still got the laziness!) and with the third the milk just absolutely refused to come out no matter what we did. Good luck!