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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Learning to let go...

and just live life...

Maybe it's the fact that motherhood is just around the corner, maybe it's in response to another birthday passing (getting older and wiser ;0)...), or maybe it's simply just a lesson that I am finally learning. Whatever it may be, I'm liking it. I'm coming to terms with a lot of things about myself and starting to accept certain things that have in the past stressed me out far more than it was worth. I'm not perfect and I can't change the ways of the world (at least not on my own) and I shouldn't make myself feel badly about it. I like what I like and I don't like what I don't like. Neither makes me a better or worse person. I have realized that there are some things that I have tried so hard to like and get used to that just weren't for me. Partially to please others and partially to feel better about myself...

I have grown in my faith over the last several years...made so much process in that area of my life and I am so happy about that. I'm looking forward to moving so we can find a home church where Josh and I are both very happy and comfortable and can make some great friends. For now, we'll just keep watching the services online like we have in the past couple of weeks. I'm so thankful that we are able to do this!
I've also come to the realization that we all have different circumstances that require different choices and all we can do is our best to just go with what we've been given and make the best of it. It doesn't mean that one mommy is better than the other just because she works or doesn't work. That was definitely something I was struggling with. I'm even getting excited about returning back to work...mind you, leaving my baby boy, that part I'll never be happy about...but it will be nice to know I'll be contributing financially again. It'll also be nice to eventually be able to breathe a little easier about our finances.

I know this might sound like a lot of random rambling...something I am VERY good at
;0)lol...something else I've come to terms with. I guess maybe I'm just "thinking out loud" well, "typing out loud"...

I'm in no way complaining or pointing fingers at anyone but my silly self. I guess more or less the last two or three years have just been really hard and forced me to do some major soul searching and figure myself out. Anyone else struggle with that too???? Something as simple (and typically fun) as registering for our little man was so stressful for me because I just couldn't decide (on anything). I just didn't know what I wanted to do. I mean REALLY, TRUTHFULLY, 100% legitimately me,... it's confusing I know...but in my heart and in my head it makes sense. I've always been a bit of a people pleaser, try my best to do the right thing for everyone, want to change the world kind of girl...but the truth is...I am just one person and I need to relax. Using this product over that product will not cause an earth shattering disaster. Yet I would subconciously make myself feel so bad about it that in the end I would be so stressed and miserable. Truth be told I'm still to some degree figuring out what exactly I like and don't like. ...and if I change my mind...who cares. There's nothing wrong with that either. I've always been so good at punishing silly.
Anyway, I've made most of the decisions I needed to, and I actually feel really good about them. That's a great feeling! :)

We've also made the decision that unless GOD changes our hearts between now and then, we will be moving back to Georgia in January instead of waiting until June! We are sooo excited. It will not be easy at first, we know that...but it's what we feel will be best for our precious little family. There are many other places we would have also enjoyed moving to, but this location made the most sense. Since I will be starting my classes online next week, it didn't really make sense to wait around until June when I can get there in January and start looking for work.

So here's to changes! Good ones...and a new year! I'm actually very much looking forward to it! I'm going to try my best to be thankful to GOD for each new day that I am able to wake up to and spend here on earth and learn about myself!


  1. I'm so glad you're feeling this way! You are who you are and that is great! You will be a great mommy whether you work or not! I hope the move goes really smoothly for you guys and that with God's grace and help, everything quickly falls into place.

    I can really identify with you in a lot of ways. You know..28 was a really good year for me and I feel like it was the time I started letting go more too. This year has been another one for learning to let go. I'm looking forward to 30. :)

    Thanks for sharing, Nadine!

  2. Sounds good! It's always good to take a good look at the past and grow! I'm really excited for your move, I hope that you feel at home in Georgia!

  3. Hi, my name is Ashley and I just stumbled upon your blog. I really liked your post. I can definitely relate to being a people pleaser and still trying to figure out 'who I am.' Becoming a mom was a big challenge too! Good Luck with the little one and the move! :)